Dictionary entry?

Mad, adjective: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials devoid of evidence that they themselves are sane.

Important News for Beer Drinkers

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologise when wrong. No further testing is planned.

Unfortunate incident

A Scotsman and his new Jewish acquaintance went to a restaurant.

After a hearty meal, the waitress came up with the inevitable bill. To the amazement of everyone present, the Scotsman was clearly heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually handed over the cash.

The next morning's newspaper carried the headline:

JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED BEHIND RESTAURANT
Three nuns died and went to heaven. On their way to the pearly gates. St. Peter was there to greet them and said to the nuns, "before you can enter you each have to answer one question correctly".

He asked the first Nun, "who was the first man God had created".

She looked at St. Peter and said "oh that's easy, Adam".

The trumpet sounded, the gate opened, and St. Peter said "you may enter".

Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked "who was the first woman God had created".

The second nun looked at St. Peter and said "oh that's easy, Eve".

The trumpet sounded, gate opened, and St. Peter said "you may enter".

Than St. Peter went to the third nun and asked "what were the first words Eve said to Adam".

The third nun thought a while then looked at St. Peter and said "oh, that's a hard one".

The trumpet sounded, the gate opened,  and St. Peter said "you may enter".

Did you hear about the masochist who liked an ice-cold bath every morning?

He took a hot one.

 The Queen was showing the Archbishop around the Royal Stables when a stallion farted very loudly.

"Oh dear," said the Queen, "I'm sorry about that."

"That's okay" said the archbishop, "I thought it was the horse."