Should you receive a document with any of the following
viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw your computer out. Do NOT, repeat,
do not ever again use your computer should it be infected with ANY of these horrible
viruses.
1. Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the
size of your friend's hard drive.
2. Lorena Bobbit Virus
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
3. Tonya Harding Virus
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
4. Paul Revere Virus
Warns of an impending virus infection:
1 if by LAN,
2 if by C:\
5. Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.
6. Ollie North Virus
Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.
7. Joey Buttafuaco Virus
Only attacks minor files.
8. Ronald Reagan Virus
Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.
9. Jane Fonda Virus
Attacks your hard drive's FAT.
10. Oprah Winfrey Virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
11. AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
12. MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
13. Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic micro-organism."
14. Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
15. Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
16. Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
17. Federal Bureaucrat Virus
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically
nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
18. Adam and Eve Virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.
19. Congressional Virus #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half
blaming the other side for the problem.
20. Congressional Virus #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to
accomplish anything.
21. Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
22. Public Broadcasting Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money .
23. Lord Lucan Virus
Your programs can never be found again.
24. LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in
"self-defence."
25. O.J. Simpson Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to
find the virus that did it.